That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
