mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize