so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
