one might say we're banned from that church
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize