Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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