I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
you never un-have a 4some
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
