someone threw a dead crab at me
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
