Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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