You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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