Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
