So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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