I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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