Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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