I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
