I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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