I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
