why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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