just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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