Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize