Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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