Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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