I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
So many bounce houses so little time
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
