its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
