So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
