dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.â€
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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