I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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