my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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