Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
