Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
