I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Sorry my hands just texted you
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
