I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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