They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
