im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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