Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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