I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
