come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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