I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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