Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
