I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You made out with two different species that night
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
