Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
When are your genitals available?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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