haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
