Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
