I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
His hands were made for my vagina.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize