You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
