Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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