it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
