mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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