So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
