Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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