she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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