Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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