I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
