Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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