I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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