So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
