I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
