Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
