Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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