Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Randomize
