I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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