i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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