I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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