you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
And then he peed in my hair
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