mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
