Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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