david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
