He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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