I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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