before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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