So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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