I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Drunk is not a location!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
