I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
