And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
