i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My vagina is officially offended.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
