He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
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