Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
