I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
